The Best Mattress I Didn't Sleep a Wink On

Now. You're thinking, finally Sleeper will talk about that one thing she never talks about. Not today. The subject of mattresses is uppermost in everyone's mind, judging from the amount of e-mail I get and the proliferation of articles on the subject.

I can't recommend this mattress — a Simmons Felicy — but it's not because of the pillowtop (as you recall, pillowtops are a bad investment because the pillow wears out before the mattress) and not because it wasn't heavenlily comfortable. You see, this is a story about the weirdness of the mattress industry.

One day recently I checked into the grand Peabody Hotel in Memphis. I'd spent the previous night at a dastardly Holiday Inn — noisy, musty, and, worst, my bed was still unmade at 2 p.m. After Sun Studios, a nap is essential.

The lovely gold-and-yellow room at the Peabody featured this Simmons Beautyrest Felicity. Was it our cocktail with the Peabody ducks that kept me up all hours? Was it the bed itself, firm but plush, a bed that seemed to breathe from the depths of its very coils the words "you're safe here"? The hotel experience is too seductive. All the same, I decided to do a bit of research on the Felicity, because I was enchanted by it.

You can order the mattress (queensize, $1,200) from the Peabody gift shop, on whose site it is for some reason called the Peabody Dream Bed, but if you ring them, you get a person in a call center who knows nothing about mattresses. If you call Simmons, they tell you to call a different number altogether, a "department" that fulfills orders for these mattresses, which are made only for the hospitality industry.

The words "hospitality industry" make me cringe. Frette's sheets manufactured for hotels are a disappointment. What is this bed, and why can't you, reader, lie down on it at a Simmons store? "It's like this," the Simmons hospitality bed man said. "You buy direct from us, it keeps the price down. People are going crazy for these beds. We can't keep them in stock." But why can't Simmons simply sell them in stores? "Look," he said. "Any other mattress of this quality, you'll pay twice as much for at a Simmons store."

"So Simmons is competing with itself?" I asked.

"How many people stay at a fancy hotel and want to buy the bed in it? People like you are a tiny percentage of mattress buyers."

"But you just said you can't keep these beds in stock."

Hospitality man had no response to that, but he said he would e-mail a fact sheet about the mattress, which he never did. It's almost, but not quite, enough to dash the memory of the Peabody.

The take-home is this: Buy a mattress from a store you trust, preferably an independent shop not beholden to one or two brands (even if you're at a department store, you'll likely be talking to, say, a Hästens rep, not an impartial source). Ask how long the bed should last, whether it will feel different on a platform (if you're planning to skip the box spring), and how to care for the fabric. If you feel like you aren't getting helpful answers, leave. As you can see, buying a bed can be like buying a used car.

If can't sleep a full night on a mattress before you decide on it, consult fair-minded sources who describe beds with the care that a good wine reviewer would lavish on a good Bordeaux.

Comments

[portable air bed]

Hmm, what an...interesting experience. Good advice to learn from, for sure. I never buy a new bed if I'm not able to test it out for a few nights!